After having a c-section...

I overheard one of the new mommies at yoga say the other day that she was dealing with the disappointment of having had a c-section. This brought back feelings I had when Clara was born. I know, it's crazy that shortly after giving birth to a beautiful baby, I felt disappointment over certain things (having a c-section and struggling with breastfeeding). I struggled with the disappointment of not having a normal labor and delivery. I felt like I had "missed out" on the "birthing" experience. (My Mom has assured me that I didn't "miss out" on anything!)

I also struggled with the fact that now that I've had a c-section, I will have to have c-section(s) going forward. My doctor made it clear that she will not do a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) because they are too risky for the Mom and the baby. I agree with her stance, but that just added to my disappointment once I found out that Clara was breech and I was having a c-section.

We took a 5 week course called "Birthing your miracle" prior to Clara's birth. In one of the first classes, we took a survey about the childbirth experience. I selected the choice that described childbirth as a means to an end (after all, I'm not a fan of prolonged pain or any pain for that matter). However, over the next five weeks, my thinking shifted, and I started looking forward the hours of labor and delivery as an amazing experience that Matt and I would share. I would develop a "birth plan" that involved yoga poses, sitting on a exercise ball during labor, listening to calming music, and holding off as long as possible from taking any drugs. I think it's great that they offer these prep classes to prepare you for what is ahead. However, I don't think they focused enough on the end goal--a healthly baby no matter how you get there. It was the same thing with the breastfeeding class. They glorified breastfeeding without stressing how difficult it can be and that it may not work for some moms and babies. If you have to formula feed your baby (or pump and bottle feed like we do), that's just fine--whatever it takes for your baby to be healthy and growing. That's what matters, and there is no reason to feel guilty when things don't go as planned.

After she was born, it took me a while to realize that even though I had a c-section (versus the hours of labor, pushing, and delivery), we still experienced an amazing miracle together, the birth of our precious little girl. And even though I didn't end up needing a detailed birth plan like they talked about in the class, I had a beautiful, healthy baby. And after all, that was the goal. When we decided to have a baby, it wasn't because I wanted to experience labor and a vaginal delivery, it's because we wanted a baby! So c-section Mommies don't need to be disappointed. We can just be grateful that we have healthy babies, which in the end is really what matters.

I'm not sure where I heard this (probably from yoga class), but whenever I start to feel the Mommy guilt creep in about something, I ask myself three questions: 1) Is my baby healthy? 2) Is my baby happy? 3) Is my baby loved? And if I can answer yes to all three questions, then I'm doing just what I need to be doing.

As a side note, Matt now tells people that a c-section is the way to go. In which case I have to remind him of my recovery--talk about prolonged pain!! He just remembers having a baby in less than 15 minutes versus the hours it might have taken otherwise.